Why Women Never Find the Right Time for Themselves (And Why You Should Stop Waiting)
“I’ll do it when life calms down.”
How many times have you said that to yourself?
Maybe about joining a Yoga class.
Booking a Retreat.
Starting therapy.
Taking a course.
Going for a walk.
Reading a book.
Having a night to yourself.
Doing literally anything that is just for you.
Because there always seems to be something more urgent.
Work deadlines.
Family commitments.
Household admin.
School holidays.
Financial worries.
Other people’s needs.
The endless to-do list running through your mind at 3am.
So you wait for the “right time”, that less stressful month, the point when everything feels quieter and more manageable.
But you start to realise that the magical moment when life suddenly becomes calm, spacious and perfectly organised rarely arrives.
Not because of something you are or aren’t doing, but because life is life.
I can almost guarantee that there will always be dishes in the sink, emails to answer, a busy week ahead, something to sort out, someone needing you, a very important reason to postpone yourself until later.
This is exactly why so many women spend years waiting to do the things that would actually help them feel happier, calmer and more like themselves again.
Women Are Conditioned to Put Themselves Last
Many women become experts at prioritising everyone else. Not because they love feeling exhausted or want to put themselves on some kind of pedestal, but because somewhere along the way they learnt that being “good” means being useful.
We secretly like being the “reliable one”, the one who is always accommodating and available, the one who holds everything together all the time. But without realising it, self care becomes something that we think we have to earn.
We tell ourselves:
I’ll rest once everything is done.
I’ll sign up when work is less busy.
I’ll come to class once I feel fitter.
I’ll book the Retreat when the kids are older.
I’ll do the training when I have more time.
But the problem is that the finish line keeps moving, because life doesn’t stop needing things from you. So, if you are always waiting for permission to prioritise yourself, you may be waiting forever.
The Myth of “When Things Calm Down”
I hear this all the time from women.
“I’d love to come to Yoga, but things are just a bit hectic right now.”
And I completely understand it!
Most women I teach are juggling careers, relationships, families, caring for ageing parents, hormonal changes, mental load and the pressure of trying to keep up with modern life whilst also pretending they’re fine.
Of course you feel busy!
But what I’ve noticed over the years is that the women who benefit most from Yoga, Retreats, trainings and self-care practices are not the women whose lives are already calm.
They are the women whose lives are full, who feel totally overwhelmed, who are carrying too much and know that they need something for themselves.
But it’s also these women who talk themselves out of signing up! They want to do it, but they have convinced themselves that they need to become less busy before they deserve support.
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Waiting Often Comes From Fear
A lot of the time we tell ourselves it’s about timing, but what I’ve uncovered in myself, is that this comes from fear. The fear of spending money on ourselves, of committing to something, taking up space, failing, not fitting in or maybe discovering that we actually want more from life, than we currently allow ourselves to have.
Because saying “now isn’t the right time” feels safer than admitting:
I’m scared.
I don’t know if I’m worth the investment.
I’m worried I won’t keep it up.
I’m worried I won’t belong.
And I know so many women feel this way (especially the capable ones).
The Cost of Waiting
So I’d like you to really think about the question, What is waiting costing you?
Because we tend to focus so much on the cost of signing up for something that we never think about the cost of staying exactly where we are. The cost of continuing to feel exhausted, disconnected, stressed, uninspired and stuck in survival mode.
The cost of another year passing while you keep telling yourself “maybe later, because time passes by anyway and a year from now will arrive whether you do the thing or not.
You Don’t Need a Perfect Life to Begin
One of the biggest myths in wellness culture is that you need to “have your life together” before you can commit to something supportive. However, Yoga was never designed only for calm people with endless free time.
It exists because life is hard and we get overwhelmed, anxious, exhausted and disconnected from ourselves.
You do not need to become a different person before you are allowed to receive support.
You 100% don’t need to:
get fitter first
become more flexible
lose weight
have more confidence
sort your whole life out
suddenly become a woman who effortlessly prioritises herself
You can begin exactly as you are.
Why Small Decisions Change Everything
What I’ve seen time and time again is that one small decision can quietly change the direction of someone’s life.
Joining a Yoga class.
Booking a Retreat.
Signing up for a training.
Coming to one workshop.
Giving themselves one evening a week that belongs to them.
It rarely looks dramatic in the moment. But over time those small acts become turning points. Because every time a woman chooses herself, even in a small way, something shifts.
She remembers she matters too. She reconnects with herself outside of her responsibilities and stops living entirely in reaction mode. She creates some breathing space and most of the time, that is where confidence starts growing.
Why Women Need Spaces Like This
I think one of the reasons Retreats, memberships, trainings and Yoga communities become so powerful for women is because they give women permission, which is something a lot of us are lacking.
So many women spend their lives being needed, but very few spend enough time being supported and I truly believe that’s why these spaces matter.
This isn’t because I believe Yoga magically removes all your problems (well maybe!), but because being part of a grounded community gives you the tools and moments of calm that help you navigate life differently.
Maybe There Never Will Be a “Better Time”
Maybe there never will be an actual better time for you. Maybe this busy season will simply become another busy season and life will always feel slightly chaotic.
I’m sure there will always be reasons not to do something, but that’s exactly why now matters! Not because everything is perfect right now, but because you are worthy of support before another year disappears and your burn out.
The Women Who Change Their Lives Usually Start Before They Feel Ready
Most of the women who come on my Retreats, or join my Yoga classes or train to be a Yoga Teacher do it because they realise they cannot keep waiting for the “right time”. Life hasn’t suddenly become easy for them, they have realised thatthey cannot keep waiting for permission to do something for themselves.
They’ve taken that super scary first step by doing it now, because they know staying stuck where they are is even scarier.
One of my most favourite sayings when I’m navigating big decisions and finding resistance is “if not now, then when?” It really opens up my mind to all the excuses and blockages I put in my own way (most of which I have put there myself, to keep me in my lovely safe comfort zone).
An Invitation To Take a Step Forward
So if there’s something you’ve been putting off, maybe this is your reminder that you do not need to wait until you become a less busy woman to deserve it.
You are allowed to begin in the middle of your real life. In fact, that’s usually where the magic starts, not when everything is perfect.
But when you finally decide “I matter too.”
If you’ve been waiting for the “right time” to prioritise yourself, maybe this is your sign that you don’t need to wait any longer.
Whether that’s joining my Yoga class, coming on my Retreats, or simply giving yourself one hour a week to breathe again, you are worthy of support now, not just once life becomes less busy.
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